It is one of those underexposed, under developed color negatives, I recently scanned and post processed. Showing Per-Olof at Café Krona in the Old Town (Gamla Stan) of Stockholm. He was on his bike, and therefore sweating heavily as he sat at the table.

I tried to make the best out of that thin negative - and I think it went pretty well. (I mean, considering that I had abandoned many of those negatives, thinking they would be helplessly beyond any repair).

 

Is Per-Olof still alive ?

It was just a couple hours ago I checked if Per-Olof was still alive - and it appears that he is (according to the registry in Sweden). I have of course no clue how severely his disease has proceeded during the latter years, together with the heavily morphine usage he has been taking for many years, against the pain of his illness, which is a condition in which healthy bones turn necrotic, kind of rot from the inside. He did admit, that he liked to take the drugs, too. So, it wasn't just against the pain...

 

We parted in 2017/18

I gave up the friendship with Per-Olof years ago, there was such a drainage of energy every time we would come together, or talk over the phone. It ended with the feeling of: You'll get reduced into a grain of sand circling around the Universe of Per-Olof, serving the great emperor. Everyone gets reduced into that ultimately. His personality has a tendency to drag people into his life, because he benefits from it, when he needs it. (I was aware of that, and blunt enough to always tell him, when he started to manipulate me - i would reject such attempts - so, I felt safe in that regard).

I do love Per-Olof. He has been a very special, dear friend since 1992 - and my emotions / connection to him have not changed deep within. He will always have that special place in my heart. But that doesn't mean I need to put up with his manipulation and energy drain. I always tell people what to stop. If that ain't acceptable, I walk away.

 

Calmer afterwards

After I walked away in the friendship with Per-Olof in 2017/18, I got much calmer over time.

In our discussions and talks, I realized that I found myself often to be so excessivilty angry and agressive... It was like pouring energy into a bottomless pit. Nothing came back.

Boy, could we discuss - as if the earth was shaking. It was hilarious, it was serious, it was intense. We had extreme humor based on an old connection we once established in the early 90s. A very free spirit,, where the sky was the limit. And boy were we silly, too. Our humor could be very raw and bold at times - but with him, it natural. He is his extreme coarse, "macho" type of guy. Like a very coarse farmer boy, you know. (However, together with the drugs, it could go out of alignment, with a tendency being nefarious tilted...)

I often felt he was just sucking in the energies out of others without giving anything in return. There was no balance to speak of anymore. While I did accepted that Per-Olof was the way Per-Olof always has been - because I like him and judged that I could take it - which i did. But in the very end it did become a single sided connection - without any feedback what so ever. We could talk about things, and then three days later, start all over again, with the same mess - as if nothing ever "stuck" from earlier. And that became tedious, kind of nonsense to me. As it ended up with that it was was all about him, exclusively about him. If something was not about Per-Olof, then he made it into Per-Olof. That sort of thing.

That's when I already had left the building.

 

I am neither sad or angry.

It was my decision, to say stop when it was needed to do so. We had similar events earlier only with the difference that it wasn't as extreme. As of now, we have not spoken since 2018 I believe, and I don't intend to do so. There is no reason to keep in touch.

Another oddity is - that if I would call him - we would continue to talk as if nothing ever happened (and would not speak about why we had a break, either). I mean literally, he would talk to you, as if it was yesterday. Quiet odd., my odd fella.



July 1992

 


No Grudge

In all - as I said earlier - I have no grudge regarding Per-Olof. He has always been very special, very extreme, and highly unique (and perhaps the most model I worked and played with in photography) I believe anyone who ever met him during life - will confirm that.

Per-Olof was truly unique in so many ways. In both good and bad.

16 May 2022 • spell checked & corrected.


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